Wouldn’t it be nice to think that maybe for all the tears we cry, our moments of happiness will be equal… or above? For all our hardships, through all that we endure, it will make us stronger and happier somewhere down the road? Does it happen… or is it just a ridiculous fantasy?
It is hard to be resilient. It is hard to continually be knocked off your block too many times. It is hard to get your hopes up knowing that every time they are up, they will only come crashing down.
But wouldn’t it be nice to believe that all bad things come to an end? That although times can be worse and we are never at the very bottom, that one day we will be nearer to the top? Maybe that is called hope… well how do we get some?
The one reason why, through this past year, I have not yet given up is because of the people around me. For the same reason I feel like a failure and want to give up, I feel like giving up wouldn’t be fair. I feel pressure from all sides to be successful and to not let people down… and the more I let myself down and others let me down, the more I want to give up, but the more I feel that giving up just wouldn’t be fair to those around me. I don’t want to keep going for me, I keep going because I don’t have a choice. Giving up is not an option because giving up would cause everyone around me more pain than not giving up.
If I act like I am okay and I am positive, no one will see how I really feel and they won’t worry about me. I don’t want people to worry. I want everyone else to be happy and to go on with their own lives
…and all I want is to disappear.