Monthly Archives: November 2008

My Mantra…

I have always lived by the mantra that “people are what matter.” Seriously.

Without people, without interactions and emotions… life would be nothing.

It is good, especially at this time of year, to think about all the people that make a difference in your life. The people who take a chance on you, invest and believe in you, and those who just reach out a helping hand when you least expect it.

I am fortunate enough (and I know I always say this, but it is true and I can’t say it enough) to have some great people in my life and network.

The one thing plaguing me (and has been for a while) is my career situation. It is not what I want it to be and I am constantly trying to change it… but when I reach out to those in my industry for help, advice and/or direction, they are so quick to lend a hand and offer whatever they can. I love it 🙂

So when we think “people are what matter,” it is not just those who are close, but those who touch your life in any way possible. I love people and always try to remember that “the heart of life is good.”

So in the spirit of the holiday, “thanks for being in my life!”

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On being “a good person”…

Never did I ever think I would be tired of hearing “you are a good person.” What I think they mean is I have a good heart with good intentions… and that is great. I am not necessarily though “a good person.” I am a thoughtful person who, the minute I stop being thoughtful, is filled with a rush of disappointment and a guilty conscious.

…but just because you are “a good person,” that doesn’t mean good things will happen. What I have come to learn is for me, being a good person is tiring. It’s always trying to make others happy, to please people, to be everything to everyone and it is frankly, an exhausting way to live. Now I understand why there are countless articles in magazines giving advice saying “learn to say ‘no'” or “remembering you in a world of them.” It just makes sense that many of us are inclined to be worried about others.

…but what happens when you become more involved with how others feel and doing the right thing instead of looking out for number one? Should a bit of selfishness come back into play without the fear of pissing people off and being deamed as inconsiderate?

Why is it that when someone oversleeps and I am there, but sleeping and could’ve woken them up, I feel responsible? Why is it that when someone needs a favor and it could put me out of my way, but I could still manage, I feel obligated? Why is it when someone else runs out of time and I feel that I can adequately manage my own and theirs, I volunteer to go out of my way and put myself out a bit to do something for them? …why don’t I just say “I can’t” or simply “no.”

…and honestly, I don’t mind doing things for people, but I do mind when I consistently go out of my way to make others happy and then get walked on. Those good things don’t come back to me as they should… or do they?

Do my good deeds instead come back to me in that I have a great family and fabulous friends? I may be struggling in all other aspects of my life (job, money, stability, etc.), but I have a ton of people to lean on… is that my reward for being “a good person?” And maybe that is enough?

So what do I do? When should I say no to others and when should I stop doing things and put my foot down without feeling obligated or disappointing?

Wish I knew the answer…

Are teardrops like moments of happiness?

Wouldn’t it be nice to think that maybe for all the tears we cry, our moments of happiness will be equal… or above? For all our hardships, through all that we endure, it will make us stronger and happier somewhere down the road? Does it happen… or is it just a ridiculous fantasy?

It is hard to be resilient. It is hard to continually be knocked off your block too many times. It is hard to get your hopes up knowing that every time they are up, they will only come crashing down.

But wouldn’t it be nice to believe that all bad things come to an end? That although times can be worse and we are never at the very bottom, that one day we will be nearer to the top? Maybe that is called hope… well how do we get some?

The one reason why, through this past year, I have not yet given up is because of the people around me. For the same reason I feel like a failure and want to give up, I feel like giving up wouldn’t be fair. I feel pressure from all sides to be successful and to not let people down… and the more I let myself down and others let me down, the more I want to give up, but the more I feel that giving up just wouldn’t be fair to those around me. I don’t want to keep going for me, I keep going because I don’t have a choice. Giving up is not an option because giving up would cause everyone around me more pain than not giving up.

If I act like I am okay and I am positive, no one will see how I really feel and they won’t worry about me. I don’t want people to worry. I want everyone else to be happy and to go on with their own lives

…and all I want is to disappear.

Just thinking…

So I sit here watching the results of the election come in…

And I randomly start thinking about the power of choice. Not political choice because as great as I think it is that everyone is voting, politics are so skewed and spun by marketers and PR people that I wonder how most Americans make their final decision…

But anyway, I am thinking about how we make decisions and how a lot of our bad decisions, in retrospect, we can identify why we made the decision and why it wasn’t the right one.

Let’s use the example of dating someone. Now in real life, I think we all date someone at a certain time during our lives because we are supposed to; that person is there in that moment for a reason. I also think that when we make those decisions against our intuition, something bad happens and we kick ourselves because we know it could have been prevented. So if you date someone knowing very well that they are a “rebound,” “a time filler,” “a needed companion,” something negative and preventable will always happen as a direct result. Then again the troubles we endure do make us stronger the next time around, but sometimes that do more damage than good (but I am by no means advocating to stay away from dating and/or falling in love; I am all for it.) 

So why is it that decisions become so difficult? Is it the struggle between reality and what we want? In this case, a struggle between our brains, our hearts and our needs for the moment? 

If we follow our guts, follow them 100 percent, I think many decisions become clear and will turn out to be the right decisions. I think it takes a lot of character, a huge risk and a mountain of courage to make those decisions. 

I think in many situations, we know what to do… we just have to do it.