I run…

I run to clear my mind. I run to collect and sort my thoughts and find a few moments of clarity in my world of jumbled thoughts, doubts and confusion.

I ran today. 

It didn’t work.

I ran and thought… and thought… and thought… and then got upset.

I am not sure if it was that every passing moment when my Blackberry didn’t buzz in my pocket I thought of efforts and opportunities that weren’t knocking or if the dreary day and cold biting at my nose just overwhelmed me. 

I stopped. I stared at the river and tried to stop thinking… I thought about how time keeps going and I am falling behind. I thought about how I just want my life to keep moving forward and I continue to encounter roadblocks that seem almost impossible to conquer. I thought that I should give up because I am too weak to keep doing this… 

Then I started running again as I always do. I can’t stop. I can’t stop anything because if I do, I won’t get anywhere. I know I need to keep going and not stop, but it is such a difficult decision. There are so many times I stop and think, should I just settle? …but then I don’t. 

So I ran all the way back to where I started. At the end my muscles were sore and aching, but I made it… and maybe that is the lesson. It’s not easy, nothing worth it ever is… so just keep going, endure the pain and then enjoy the reward at the end.

The question then becomes, when will it end.. or will it ever end?

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