I run to clear my mind. I run to collect and sort my thoughts and find a few moments of clarity in my world of jumbled thoughts, doubts and confusion.
I ran today.
It didn’t work.
I ran and thought… and thought… and thought… and then got upset.
I am not sure if it was that every passing moment when my Blackberry didn’t buzz in my pocket I thought of efforts and opportunities that weren’t knocking or if the dreary day and cold biting at my nose just overwhelmed me.
I stopped. I stared at the river and tried to stop thinking… I thought about how time keeps going and I am falling behind. I thought about how I just want my life to keep moving forward and I continue to encounter roadblocks that seem almost impossible to conquer. I thought that I should give up because I am too weak to keep doing this…
Then I started running again as I always do. I can’t stop. I can’t stop anything because if I do, I won’t get anywhere. I know I need to keep going and not stop, but it is such a difficult decision. There are so many times I stop and think, should I just settle? …but then I don’t.
So I ran all the way back to where I started. At the end my muscles were sore and aching, but I made it… and maybe that is the lesson. It’s not easy, nothing worth it ever is… so just keep going, endure the pain and then enjoy the reward at the end.
The question then becomes, when will it end.. or will it ever end?
Everyone has their own battle-their own struggle.
We all face challenges and tough times and no one is perfect. Some battles might be obvious and others might be internal. Just remember that we all encounter these struggles at different times in our lives and there should never be the question of “why me?”
2008 has been a tough year. So many things have gone wrong and I became Jen Cohen, the girl who can’t catch a break… but so many things have gone right and I try to not forget that… and that I am not alone.
I have the most amazing friends and family who continue to support me. I met amazing people and have been through amazing experiences that continually add to my character (you know, that is what people tell you when things go wrong-all about character building).
I learned an awful lot about work, life, relationships, karma and also learned if you are resilient and driven, you will always land on your feet (maybe with a crutch or two).
So my battles are my own. I have to take ownership and win… and know that although battles are fought throughout our lives, they are different for everyone and with a few strong people to lean on, you can make it through to the other side.
…and karma, it never fails 😉
Current Mood: Anxious, stressed.
Current Goal: Get a full-time career.
So I am starting a new blog… I already created two through blogger (read one and/or two) and now I am moving onto Word Press. I let the other blogs get kicked to the wayside and I don’t want to do that again. I want this blog to be informative and I am using it to market myself and provide some insightful thoughts that tend to cross my mind. I am also, much like the rest of the American public, stressed and writing and running are my outlets. When I write, I think. When I run, I think… And during both releases, some of my best work and best ideas develop and become clearer.
For instance, this morning I had a soccer game. I made a mistake that almost resulted in a goal by the other team. I got angry, a little frustrated and then decided I wasn’t going to let it get me down (I mean this league is for fun anyway, but I am my biggest critic). I snapped myself out of it and found my drive and starting stepping up to every ball and making plays. Something inside of me said “don’t settle, you are better than that…” and now I am trying to apply that to my life.
I need a job. I want a career. Those are two separate things. I need a job and might take one for now, but I don’t want to settle and I want to earn a chance to build a career and make something of myself. Although I know this isn’t the way it should be, I still determine my worth by the footprint I am leaving behind. I am trying to leave the best imprint I can and become the best version of myself and I want to achieve this through my career. If I am working 40 plus hours a week, I want to be making a difference and I want to feel like I am not simply “existing,” but helping to create change for the better. I thought marketing and PR might have been the wrong choice in career path, but then I realized that I can achieve my goals and accomplish what I want being involved in marketing and PR. I am good at marketing and determining marketing strategies, but I also have other strengths… and other weaknesses.
…and writing, that is a way of teaching. If I write something useful and important, I can make a difference through words…
I will continue my babble later…
Thanks for reading 🙂